Cold nights and quiet mornings

Well, this post is kinda wierd. I don't know.
I just gotta let everything out here, not to people, but to myself.
But of course people will read this, so I'm prepared.
There's this girl I met
Not a few months ago
She's so sweet, happy, smilling away eveything
We got closer and closer at some points
And I would have liked to pop the question
But no
Not yet
I want that moment to be perfect and flawless, beautiful and unforgettable
But there's one problem
She's hard to get through and hard to understand
That makes it all the more challenging
She's different, obviously
But all this while
She's haunted by her past, her present and her bitter, bitter memories
Non-erasable memories
I have been hearing, listening in detail, accepting the facts, put those words in me,
about her past and what she tells of herself
She always talks about her ex's and numerous times spent with them
The poems she made for them
The things she did for them
The words and feelings she felt for them
Made me feel somewhat useless and worthless to the point of nothing
I feel hopeless as I take in everything she says about them
I feel stupid as how I wish I could give her what she wanted in all her ex's
She wanted that loving feeling again, I failed
She wanted that secure feeling again, I failed
She wanted to be loved unconditionally, I failed
She wanted someone to rely on, someone to trust
I failed.
One night, she got so emotional and she cried on the phone
I vouched to stay on through the night with her, but she got tired and slept
That night I felt the weakest and the most idiotic feeling ever
I even cried for godsake
I cried, funny eh?
Oh, how I so wish that she would just leave the past in the past and find the future
How I wish I can give her everything she sees in her 1st love
Sometimes, she doesn't know it
Sometimes, I don't show it
Sometimes, people don't bother
But deep down
Inside me
It really
really
hurts...

So many times I wanted to call her and just say I love you.
So many times
Countless moments where I waited to hear those words spatter from her
But it never came
On occasions it did, but not normally
It was
pain...
Sometimes, I wish you knew
How I felt for the very first time
Understand me for the very first time
I'm not just any other guy you met and had a relationship with
I'm Bernard Goh
And you just know the outside of me
Not who I really am on the inside.
I miss you
And I can't wait to see you on Monday.
Sigh
If you'd only knew...

Sometimes you don't really know that it hurts, deep down.

Well, it's been half a week now since I've seen her.
Does she really know, that every moment spent without her,
is like living through the same days over and over?
I don't know.
I don't know why am I feeling this down and complicated anyway.
But one thing's for sure,
I miss her so.
The next time I put my arms around her,
I'll never let go, never.
Separations last awhile, but this is too much.
We had ups and downs and well,
I tolerated most of your words.
I knew you, what you do, what you will do.
And I just hate it, baby.
Not you, the people around you.
They treat you like,
like careless fools.
They act like brainless idiots.
They think like heartless bastards.
Some part of me just wants to scream out loud,
never letting anyone,
but your close friends, family, to touch you, NO ONE.
Yes, I hate those stupified playboys who think love is just a plaything.
Well, fuck them.
I don't really care as long as they don't get into you.
Okay okay, Imma chill now.
:]

Till the day we'll meet again.
I miss you.

Sigh

Hmm. It's 12pm. And its a HOT HOT HOT day. Gahh. :\ I hate hot days. And I wonder how she's doing back at Kedah. I miss her and I'm going to for the next couple of days. Gosh. I really do. It's funny how we met could come up to this. All she said was "Hey, why are you always so quiet?" then it all sparked up and it began from then on. The first time singing to her and actually luring all my heart and soul into those songs were amazing. I loved it.

And from that day onwards, I slowly fell for her, secretly. And I asked myself what has she done to make me lovestruck. I never found the answer. Cause it was meant to be kept secret, even if there was no answer at all. She was different. She wasn't like any other girl. Probably because she's from a different state but that's not the point. She was hyper. She was cuhrazyyyy! :D She was sweet, adorable, cute. She was caring. She was funny. She was fun. She was understandable. She was lovable. She was lucky. She was beautiful. She was pretty, humble and honest. She was everything that I ever wanted. But still it persists, the question left unanswered. And I will not rush things through. I'll give her time. All the time in the world for her to tell me the honest answer. I won't rush. I promised to myself that I'd let everything be the way it should be, and time will tell everything. I will make it clear that I will wait forever, never finding another, just to hear those three words from her. I will.

I miss you.

Will You Stay Awake For Me?

Will you stay awake for me as I did for you?

With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised.

And you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine.
And the movie's long over,
that's three that have passed, one more's fine.

I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,
but I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival.

And if it's a hero you want,
I can save you. Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breath, it is dear. So please stay near.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

Say my name. I just want to hear you,
say my name. So I know it's true.
You're changing me. You're changing me.
You showed me how to live.
So just say. So just say,

That you'll stay awake for me.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything

YOU

Nothing makes me smile but you.

Everytime I look your way, I lose my breath.

What could have amounted up till now, was you.

She said "Hey, why are you so quiet" and it all began.

You're like my thunder, pounding every heartbeat.

You're like a lover, making every moment special.

You're like no other, nothing I have ever experienced before.

You are special, to me and to everyone else.

If I lost you now, I would gladly follow you wherever you'll end up in.

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me.

I'd give up all I have just to breathe the same air as you.

I dedicate these words to YOU, my one and only.



P/S : I love you

To Juliet.

Dear Juliet,

I ____ You...

Yours sincerely,
Romeo.

A day of embrace and hypernotic screams

Another Friday as usual. I woke up so damn late and I missed English class. :\
Damn it, they watched Russel Peters and I missed it. Gahh. Whateverrrrrrrrr.
So I had no classes for the day anymore, I went to Gurney with Amber, Sue followed along. We watched Fast and Furious 4. It was okay, not that nice as the 3rd. Then we went to Sue's friend's house for awhile to watch Saw 5, again... Her room is so HUGE! :O
Soon after that, I drove Amber back to the hostel. :)

Later that night, me and Amber wanted to go and find the tar beach. Lena came along. So she knew where was it. I FOLLOWED HER DIRECTIONS AND WE ENDED UP PASSING THROUGH KAMPUNGS, RURAL AREAS, MISLEADING SIGNBOARDS AND EVENTUALLY GOT LOST IN THE UNCIVILIZED AREA OF PENANG. Blahhh, LOL. So we continued our journey through a very, very, VERY dark mountain. The road was so curvy, my hands and legs were working overtime. :( We started our journey at around 8.45pm, and we reached Batu Feringhi at about 10pm. My petrol tank habis laaaaaa. :O
We went to the beach near Crown Jewel hotel. Took a nice stroll with Amber and Lena. I wish I could just sit there with her and talk, under the quiet atmosphere where nobody is around, hearing the waves crashing towards the shores, the skies empty yet beautiful. :)

At around 11, we drove back to Crystal Point and ate our supper at Island Red Cafe. I ordered some Kuey Teow soup but it got ruined at the end by two mad hyper wierdos. And I paid for that, haha. Then LENA's ahem, came along to join us. Hehe. ;)
It was already 12midnight and Amber was so tired. So I drove them both back to the hostel.
Gahhh, an end to a fun-filled night. :\

I'm goina miss you.

Secret Valentine

Yes, we have done things no one will ever know. Things that cannot be undone. I don't regret anything. You have me, you had me, I'm yours, always yours. But let time tell, and let things go slow. I wanna know you more, know you deeply, know who you really are. Yes, I like you. And if one day you do fall for me, then I have to give my heart and soul, and once again, I will fall for you. I will. Now, when you fall, I'll pick you up off the ground. If you are broken, I'll fix you upright. When your nights get a little colder, I'll always be there to warm it up. You have me by your side, always.

In the meantime, take a listen to this song, the lyrics of it. :]

Let It Roll - Secondhand Serenade
Click it.